How to help animals without sacrificing your own well-being
“Self-development is a higher duty than self-sacrifice.”
Hi friend,
Vegan and animal advocates are caring people faced with a gargantuan task — ending or at least significantly reducing animal suffering.
My guess is that many activists — no matter their cause — struggle with finding the right balance between advancing their cause, and taking care of themselves. Because animal suffering is so extreme and widely ignored, managing this tension might be even more challenging for animal advocates than for other types of activists.
So, let’s explore how to take care of animals, without sacrificing yourself and your own wellbeing in the process.
While this is a broader conversation, a useful first step is to differentiate between conscious and unconscious sacrifice.
What is conscious sacrifice?
While the word “sacrifice” has negative connotations these days, things aren’t that simple.
Here’s how Dr. Carol S. Pearson writes about the Martyr archetype — one of the six main archetypes we express in life — in her amazing work The Hero Within:
“Sacrifice and martyrdom have received much bad press lately,…, yet there is hardly a soul who does not believe in it in some form. At its base is a recognition that ‘I am not the only person in the world.’ Sometimes I choose to do something not so much because I want to, but because it will be good for someone else or I believe it to be the right thing.”
In other words, giving something up for something else isn’t necessarily bad. Sometimes it’s a very good, a necessary thing.
The word “sacrifice” literally means “to make sacred” and to have the life we want, we need to sacrifice many things. For instance, if you want to be in a relationship, you have to give up the freedom of life as a single.
Vegans and animal advocates are very familiar with the idea of giving up something for a higher good. After all, if you want to reduce animal suffering, you would do well to avoid using products that create this suffering in the first place.
While people relate to this differently — some vegans really miss animal products, whereas others don’t — we are all sacrificing something in the process.
And yet, because we consciously make that sacrifice and walk into it with eyes wide open, this is an example of a sacrifice that makes the world (and maybe our own lives) better.
It’s a sacrifice in the best sense of the word — of making something sacred.
What is unhealthy sacrifice?
While conscious sacrifice can help you have the life you want (for instance, by letting you live in alignment with your values), the same isn’t true for unconscious, automatic sacrifice. We could call this unhealthy sacrifice.
When a person gives up things unconsciously, they can’t reflect on whether this is authentic for them. They don’t actually make a choice, they just run with the program.
For instance, some of my coaching clients are deeply caring people. When we start working together, they often have the tendency to bend over backward for others, only to collapse exhausted because they don’t receive enough support themselves.
In many cases, the more emphatic a person is, the more this becomes an issue.
As people who care deeply about animals, we are quite susceptible to this. After all, most human issues pale when compared with how bad things are for animals. For instance, our inner monologue might sound like this: “Okay, so you didn’t get enough sleep because your child was sick? Well, at least you are not crammed in a cage without your child who is about to get slaughtered. Get over it!”
The problem with that type of thinking is that it doesn’t actually make anything better. We are just being unnecessarily harsh to ourselves, and punishing ourselves for cruelties that other people commit.
Even if we completely abolished factory farming and all forms of human cruelty, there would still be death, illness, loss, and grief on this planet. There will always be situations that are worse than your own. You don’t just deserve self-compassion if your situation is the absolute worst.
Our internal comparison shouldn’t be between our struggle, and terrible situations other sentient beings experience. The comparison should be between how you would treat yourself, and how you would treat another sentient being.
If you think that another human or animal deserves sleep when they are tired, the same is true for you. So, let’s treat ourselves with the compassion we (and all sentient beings) deserve!
How to stop unhealthy sacrifice
If you have a tendency towards unhealthy sacrifice, know that it’s not your fault and that this programming can change. The following steps can help you with that:
1. Develop healthy self-care
While there are times when it’s appropriate to put someone else’s needs first (such as with a newborn baby or very sick animal or child), it would be draining to live our entire lives that way. As capable adults, we must take care of our own needs.
To that end, it helps to develop appreciation for yourself. For instance, observe yourself through the lens of the 3 ancient virtues: truth, goodness, and beauty.
It is courageous that you see things for how they are, instead of pretending animal cruelty doesn’t exist (truth).
It is admirable that you strive to live in alignment with your values and help others less fortunate than you (goodness).
And what could be more beautiful than compassion (beauty)?
When you are ready to love yourself the way you love others, it’s easy to see that you have the right (and perhaps the duty) to take care of yourself.
Your needs matter, too. After all, we are animals, too. If we are serious about reducing animal suffering, that includes the people we see when we look in the mirror.
(As someone who is spiritual but not religious, I would say that we are also more than just our human/animal body. However, the part of us that transcends our biology — whether we want to call it soul, spirit, or consciousness — probably doesn’t experience suffering.)
2. Reflect on how self-sacrifice can be selfish
Many people think sacrificing themselves for others or noble causes makes them a good person. However, as the late author Marty Rubin pointed out,
“Self-sacrifice is something other people always have to pay for.”
The truth is that we don’t live in a vacuum, and so self-sacrifice generally comes at a cost to everyone.
If someone gives up their life for someone else in a movie, they are seen as a hero. While there’s something inspirational about people who are willing to do this, their decision impacts other people, most notably their grief-stricken family and friends.
The same principle — that we impact others through our actions — is true in everyday life. For instance, there have been times when I was so focused on vegan and animal advocacy that I wasn’t very available for my family — who paid the price for my unconscious sacrifice of time and energy.
Trying to help animals is in alignment with my values, and so is being a good partner and parent. That’s why I need to find a way to balance the values that matter to me.
3. Recognize that receiving can be good for others and help you be a more effective activist
Many caring people don’t to be “takers.” While it’s great to be attentive to the needs of others, we should remember that people around us can make their own choices. For instance, if I need support but am afraid of asking friends or colleagues for help, I make the decision for them. Maybe the people around me actually would prefer to help me?
For most people, giving something and being there for someone in need feels great. It’s why so many people choose to volunteer. By not being open to receiving from others, we can deprive others of the joy of giving.
In my life, I try to make a conscious effort to let people support me if they like to. This can include actually receiving compliments (instead of brushing them aside) and saying “yes” if someone offers me something I want.
Getting support and taking care of yourself can also benefit your animal advocacy efforts. As a certified habit coach who has helped hundreds of people with their productivity, I can assure you that getting enough rest is crucial for being as productive as possible. By avoiding burnout, you can help animals in the long run.
4. Remember that you aren’t doing this alone
As someone who wants to help animals, you are pursuing a big vision that might seem unreachable at times. That’s why it’s important to remember that many other people are pursuing the same cause as you.
It’s okay to take a break and take care of yourself. Right now, there are people who are just joining the movement, ready to jump in. Nature abhors a vacuum, and so do humans. If you need to step back, someone else will step in.
And it’s not only other vegan/animal advocates who are supporting your cause. Dr. Melanie Joy has advanced the idea of vegan allies. Vegan allies are people who aren’t vegan themselves, but they are sympathetic to our cause.
One person I know keeps on telling me: “I think in 100 years, people will be as disgusted by what we are now doing to animals, as people today are about slavery.” While this person isn’t 100% vegan, she is probably 90% there — and she keeps on mentioning vegan meals to her friends, perhaps reaching them in ways a fully vegan person couldn’t.
While the pool of vegan / animal advocates is still relatively small, once you factor in people who are open to our ideas, things look a lot brighter.
For instance, Initiated Ordinance 309, a ballot measure that tried to ban slaughterhouses in Denver, got 36% of the vote (despite a massive, expensive campaign by opponents of the ban that likely reduced that number).
Clearly, animal advocates are not making up more than a third of the voting population in Denver. But people who are generally sympathetic to our cause? These people are driving down prices by buying plant-based products. They support animal welfare causes. And they might influence their friends, too.
And it’s not just that. Right now, there are people working on technological innovations (for instance, these ones) that can transform our food system once they go mainstream.
The revolution isn’t televised, but it is happening. We aren’t the only ones contributing to it, so it’s okay for us to take a break and recharge.
Learning from past activists
I think animal advocates can learn a lot from past generations of activists, who had to find a balance between advancing their cause and taking care of themselves.
So, let’s remember the words of American suffragist Elizabeth Cady Stanton:
“Self-development is a higher duty than self-sacrifice.”
Ultimately, I think the goal of the vegan/animal advocacy movement is to abolish itself, just like abolitionists and suffragists eventually abolished themselves through their success.
Regardless of whether we get to see it in our lifetimes or not, that ultimate goal brings up the question of self-development. If you already lived in a world where animals are generally treated well by humans, what would you want to do, and how would you want to live your life?
Why not spend a bit of time living in that future, while you continue working towards it? After all, as Alan Kay put it: “The best way to predict the future is to create it.”
📌 How to start putting this into practice 📌
As yourself: "What is one thing I can do in the next week to support my well-being?"
Perhaps you would like to:
- meet a friend,
- get a massage,
- read a fun book, or
- something else?
Pick one thing, and then schedule time in your calendar to do it. Helpful resources
has written a great article that discusses activists burnout. I highly recommend giving it a read.
Here are a few other helpful resources to support your wellbeing and resilience as a vegan/animal advocate:
Connect for Animals offers a lot of events, including vegan meditations and an emotional support group for animal activists and animal caregivers.
The Center for Effective Vegan Advocacy has a lot of resources, including a response to the question: “I want to do more to help animals, but being an advocate stresses me out.”
If you would like community, you can join Hive Newsletter’s Slack channel and connect with 3000+ animal advocates. They even have a channel that’s dedicated to wellbeing!
I’ve included two short meditations at the bottom of this article.
Positive news
Remember how I wrote that you aren’t alone and that there are many other people who are supporting the same cause as you?
This is even true in smaller niches within the animal advocacy movement. For instance, I started this newsletter because I felt a need for positive vegan and animal advocacy news.
After a few weeks of writing, I found Dani’s monthly newsletter,
. Turns out has been sending out positive vegan news for over 1.5 years!!! 🎉 The thing that I thought was needed already exists, I just didn’t know about it.This gives me space to write some articles that I have been wanting to write — for instance, what being a habit coach has taught me about helping people who want to become vegan. (Spoiler alert: different people need different approaches and what worked for you might not work for your best friend.)
The tone of this newsletter will still be uplifting, and most weeks, I plan to add some positive vegan news to it. This week, I am feeling tired, and so I will practice what I preach and take a step back. Here’s Dani’s latest newspaper with positive news:
Warmly,
Louise (who’s about to take a nap or meditate or both…)
Videos:
Here are a few meditations I have recorded in the past.
If you like, you can get a free download on my website here and here.
Thank you for sharing!! I'm glad you wrote this article because I walked away with something I desperately needed to hear: self sacrifice is something other people always have to pay for. Damn. Thank you.
Love this so much. I've written about activism burnout, both on my Substack and for publications, and this seems to be a similar topic. This perspective is so important for many activists. So important to balance sacrifice with self-care, and inject some positivity too. Great post.